Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

My accidental spirituality (non-religious) quest seems to be disconnecting me from some of the closest people in my life. I have lost connection with them and am finding it difficult to reconnect, this leaves me incredibly sad and lonely at times.  I do want to reconnect, just because we have differing beliefs, I don’t see why we can’t, maybe I have changed outwardly and they look at me more like a stranger now.

I have been told on several occasions that I have ‘gone weird’, I find this extremely sad and confirmation that others also feel disconnected from me.

The ways in which I have changed to me are subtle to the outside world, I keep most things about how I am feeling to myself because of reactions I get when I reveal tiny snippets of how I am feeling and my spirituality practices, e.g. meditations, journalling, the universe etc.  and they feel I am weird, if only the knew.  Only my best friend knows about my new found spiritual side and thinks it is ‘lovely’.

The internet gives me comfort, because there are lots of websites with articles that reflect how I feel, so I know I am not alone or ‘weird’.  However, the people that surround me, just don’t get it, it is causing me to feel very isolated.  For me, my spiritual journey gives me hope, comfort and love, but why do people I care about seem to fear this?  I often ask, would I react the same towards them, I like to think I wouldn’t, I like to think that I would have been fascinated by it all, but who knows, I used to be like them, so maybe I would have reacted the same.

For now, because of my disconnections, I seem to have more free time, so I am focusing on my goals, progressing, doing what I love to do.  The old me, would have crumbled at these disconnections and yes, at times I do feel incredibly sad, but the new me knows that the universe is on my side and everything is happening for a reason, what that reason is, I don’t know and I don’t need to know right now.  So, I continue to do my inner work, shadow work, meditations, exercise, learning tarot etc. things I know feel right, will help me grow and find happiness within myself.

I want to get to a place where I am proud of what I am, at times I am proud, but in the real world I often hide myself.  Writing my blog posts are my therapy, it’s the place I can step out of my ‘spiritual closet’, it’s almost like a public journal, where I can truly say what I feel, I feel safe here, it’s one of the things I do where I am in the flow.  When I write, I’m not anxious or stressed or worried what people think, I’m just me.  If I’m weird, then I like being weird, because this weirdness is making life magical for me and I would never want to go back to the old me, never!

 

Posted by:Jane