This is my take on why there seems to be a reduction in men committing to long-term relationships.
We are partly to blame ladies, if we set our standards higher, then men have no other choice than to match them. If we stop giving them what they want without them committing, their options will greatly diminish.
I know this isn’t for everyone, and there are times women don’t want commitment either, but I know the vast majority of women do want commitment or at the very least want loyalty, yet many of us go along with what the men want, not what we want.
Try to take a step back and view your relationship / situationship in an objective way. If he made you feel like a goddess in the beginning, but now you feel like he is using you, or having sex with other women, then walk away.
Think of it like this, you are out at a pub or club and you make eye contact with a man you are attracted to. He then approaches you and says this “Hi, I would like to have sex with you, but there will never be a relationship between us ever, in fact I will probably disappear with no explanation whatsoever. Oh and whilst I am having sex with you, I will be having sex with other women too, sometimes unprotected sex. I will make you feel special initially, then make you feel worthless as I go quiet, because I will be focusing on either having sex with other women or grooming them so that I can have sex with them. I eventually will drop you, without any explanation as I will get bored, because you never meant anything to me, I just pretended that you did, to get what I wanted from you aka sex”.
How many women would say “yes okay, I’m okay with you treating me like that”, not many, unless they have zero self-worth. Most if not all men are not that blunt, so it is not always that obvious, but try to see the situation for what it is, not what you want it to be. At some point it will become obvious if he is using you, that’s the time to you walk away, you need not give any explanation, it’s up to you, but someone who manipulates, lies and uses people, deserves nothing!
I think some women think too much of the future when they meet a man (myself included) and create something that doesn’t actually exist in reality. So try your best to see it for what it is. If you feel confused, as players tend to send a lot of mixed signals, so confusion is common, discuss it with a friend, someone you completely trust, who has no agenda and get their take on it. But make sure you tell them the facts, don’t tell them the good bits and exclude his poor behaviour or make excuses for him, give them the full story and then discuss it, this may help you see things for how they really are.
In a nutshell, I guess what I am saying is men get sex too easy, I am not saying all women give sex away too easy, and I’m not saying all men don’t want commitment, but I think a lot of women meet a man and look at them as a potential partner and don’t want to seem like a prude, or you may get caught up in the moment, we’ve all done it. If casual sex doesn’t sit right with you, or you are looking for a long-term relationship, then don’t have casual sex, if you do, you are doing the exact opposite of what you want, in other words you are blocking the law of attraction in manifesting your true desires.
I don’t use dating apps, or online dating, I think these have made men lazy, some consider this the only way to get a date or sex. I long for the old fashioned way of meeting someone face to face and getting to know them in real life in a slow, more natural way. I am not knocking men, only time wasters.
Some men have learned to appear to commit, but they aren’t really committing, otherwise known as ‘players’. These men say what they think you want to hear, they play on words too. If you meet someone and something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t, learn to recognise the player and drop them as soon as.
They can’t love and respect you if you don’t love and respect yourself, so work on your self before getting into any relationship.
Unfortunately women are not educated in how to recognise and repel a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, many just learn from unpleasant experiences. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist, whilst I was in it, I did not recognise the emotional abuse because it was counteracted with ‘love bombing’. When I looked like I’d had enough or tried to leave the relationship I was manipulated into staying, but I wasn’t aware it was manipulation at the time. When he thought he’s won me back, it wasn’t long before his mind games and infidelity started again. I did manage to walk away and it was only then I seen him exactly for who he was.
This relationship caused me great emotional damage and subsequently led me to another emotionally abusive situationship. I can’t risk this in the future so I am undergoing therapy to find out why I attract and am attracted to such men. Beware, your abuser can come across as the sweetest, kindest most amazing person you have ever met, they are covert and often subtle, but over time their emotional abuse wreaks havoc on your mental health, trust me I know!
Don’t focus too much on them, always put yourself first, now I know this sounds kinda selfish, but it really isn’t. Make sure your man meets your emotional needs otherwise it is likely to cause you emotional damage, if you communicate your needs to them and they don’t step up, just walk away. If us women walked away sooner and more often, men would have to step up to the mark and behave like decent, respectful human beings, not that there aren’t men like this out there, there are. But if you have low self-worth, lack self-love and self-respect, then you are going to repel decent men. However, if you stay and you are being treated badly, then why would he change?
Don’t behave like a man, know yourself and if you want a relationship and he wants a friends with benefits, walk away, he is not worth wasting your time on and whilst your busy giving him ‘benefits’ you might be missing other opportunities with someone who does want an actual relationship.
Set boundaries and whatever happens stick with them no matter what, because if you break your own boundaries, you will lose his respect and that’s never good, ever!
Trust your intuition, if something feels wrong, it probably is. Remember, your needs matter, are you happy with whatever situation you are in with a man? If not, express it to him, you will then know where you stand, because he will either step up or he may make you empty promises, but his behaviour won’t change, in this case walk away.
Trust his actions not his words. Players often have patterns too, do they regularly disappear or treat you in a way that makes you feel worthless, then act like they are all in love with you again? Do they behave badly, disrespect you, then act as if nothing has happened, do they play down your feelings when you feel they have hurt you? If they do, walk away, you are probably being played or involved with a very damaged man. Decent men who truly care about you, would never make you feel worthless and would be mortified if they thought that they did.
Be very careful who father’s your children, if he is violent or abusive in any way, please do NOT have children with him.
And finally, if you meet a good decent man, that consistently treats you with respect and you intuitively feel that you are his priority, and that he cares about you. Then hold on to him, treat him like he deserves to be treated!